“Seeking Franship with Girls!”

No one would peg me as a socially awkward person. I wouldn’t have either except for this new problem that has cropped up.

I don’t have a female BFF*.


I could count on one hand the number of female friends I have. I am fond of them and they of me, but our relationship doesn’t go beyond calling up once every few months or chatting occasionally on Facebook.

When I look back on my school days, I realize that I had a different female best friend every year because somehow, ever year, I would be shuffled from one section to another. In college, I did make a couple of good friends and we are still in touch. But as I said, our relationship doesn’t go beyond catching up or hanging out once in a while.

This has never bothered me until recently.

In the last 2 weeks, I have read 4 women-centric books (umm, yes: I do read 2-3 books a week) and all the protagonists had at least one female BFF. A soul sister.  And when I browse Facebook, I see many of my friends and juniors hanging out with their girl friends, apparently having a great time.

And I am suddenly a little wistful.

I wish I had a girl friend I was closer to. Someone with whom I can hang out every now and then without being bored. Someone with whom I can go shopping or to the salon and who can tell me when I am wearing the wrong things or making a perfect fool of myself. Someone to whom I can crib about life and about SR (right now, I crib about SR to SR, and he listens to it sportingly; but a change would be nice!)

How do you go about making a new girl friend when you are in your mid-twenties, married and working? Most people already have their friends in place by this time.

Say you know a couple of girls – online friends, old school and college mates or colleagues – who you like and want to know more about: how the hell are you supposed to ‘express interest” and take the relationship “to the next level”? (Yikes, how tacky that sounds!)

Do you just ping someone out of the blue and ask if they’d like to meet for coffee. Suppose they don’t want to, it might be rather embarrassing; And suppose you do meet up, but the situation becomes rather awkward, wouldn’t that be worse?

The more I think about this, the surer I am that this is more complicated than dating.

So I toy with the idea of going on a women-only trip or a girls’ night out – so many of these happen in Bangalore. Then again, these are temporary, fun things, and that is really not what I am looking for.

For an absurd instant, I wonder how people will react if I put up a post on Put Me in Touch or one of those FB groups “Seeking franship with women.”


Here’s my conclusion: in this day and age, you have plenty of dating options and avenues whatever age you are. But if you are in your twenties and are trying to make new friends – especially of the same sex – well, good luck!

(a) The likelihood of actually making a new friend at this stage in life is bleak, and (b) anything you do would make you come across as rather pathetic if not downright weird.


A question to my readers: Have any of you been in a similar rut? Did you get out of it?

I’d love to know!

*BFF = Best Friend Forever


10 thoughts on ““Seeking Franship with Girls!”

  1. Good one Gowri!
    I do have female bffs but they are from my school. We are still in touch, meet each other whenever possible, we out time for listening to each other cribbing, we were present for each other’s weddings from first ceremony to the last and we have night outs with or without kids now whenever we visit our mothers.. Sometimes we plan these parents visits around the time the other is visiting. Our kids also see others kids photos all the time.. So we are really taking the relationship to a new level. 🙂
    Outside this group, i am more comfortable with male friends as they don’t come with hassles like unnecessary competition, a lot of cribbing without reason and sharp emotional reactions. 😛
    I do have made a few female friends, i think i have the ability to judge whom i will get along with well. So these things just happen once you start communication. Either you become bffs or you become good friends and aftee some time drift apart. In any case, these intermittent friends are also worth having. A lot of fond memories.. So there’s nothing to lose. But making friends deliberately or seeking franship is beyond me.

    1. My best friends right from school days have all been guys – and I really enjoy spending time with them. Glad that you have some close female friends too to supplement this! That’s exactly the kind of friendship I was writing about.

      And I was kidding about the “Seeking franship” part – I would never be able to do that either!

      1. Haha Gowri.. I know you were kidding.. Just mentioned that seeking franship is beyond me because I have seen a few women do it actually.. Grrrr.. Someone’s popular.. Seek friendship, someone’s rich, seek friendship etc etc. I really don’t know what they gain by such cheap tactics..

  2. Hey.. ur writing is really provoking.. and I remember it used to be so… from my memories of articles posted in Threshold… Have been dealing with the same issue.. but on the brighter side… as I am still unmarried (guess, that is the most significant contributor here), I occasionally get BFF(s).. but soon they get married or move to a far off place… n yeah long distance too doesn’t work.. and I again end up losing my BFF….. I used to think only I was in this weird position… feels “all izz well” to know that there are more “soul sisters” now

    1. Thanks! I am really flattered that you remember my writing from schooldays. 🙂

      And in a perverse way, glad to know there are other people in the same quandary!

  3. A good post Gowri! I can’t say I relate to it but I do have something to share. I have female BFFs and I really value the relationship I share with them. I may not be able to catch up so frequently but when we talk, it feels we haven’t lost the chemistry. So, I am glad I have them. However, I am someone who wants to make new friends. So, I end up talking nicely to a lot of people who I like but then later when there is no reciprocation, I give up!
    Sounds weird, huh?

    1. Not weird at all! As someone who is very diffident about approaching people, I would be very snubbed too if someone were to not respond warmly to a conversation I initiate. At least you are brave enough to attempt to make new friends – I am unable to take even that first step!

Any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s