If I were not human, I would have been a butterfly.
No – I’m not saying that I want to be a butterfly – I’m saying that I am a butterfly.
And no again – it’s not because I consider myself lithe or pretty or even particularly joyful. It’s because I flit. I move from one thing to another to yet another. You would not catch my mind staying still in one spot.
That sounds poetic – but here are the side effects –
- My to-do list is a few miles long
- I have 3 editorial assignments with looming deadlines that are not yet touched
- I have committed to many projects at work that have taken the backseat – of a bus, no less!
- Everywhere I look, I can only see half-finished projects: the photo wall I wanted to create; the half-finished story; the incomplete painting, the clothes that need to be sorted and kept back in the cupboards, the dust that lines the top of my fridge, the call that I am yet to return; the swimming classes that were abandoned; the Kannada and Theater classes that were never even started
It gets frustrating sometimes – this feeling of being a hamster on a wheel – this feeling that I need to keep pedaling until I drop, and still, there would be things left undone.
SR advises me to drop it. To relax. He says I must be thankful that I have so much to do – that means there’s a lot of purpose to life. But I don’t find it easy. I am someone who badly needs a feeling of closure. The satisfactory thud of the closing a thick book or file and putting it aside. Done and dusted.
So, this Vijayadasami, I want to make a promise to myself:
To NOT be a butterfly. To sit and savor the task at hand and not move on until I am finished.
And if that doesn’t work, then to enjoy the flitting and not write a “crib” post like this one. 🙂